Always Love a Free Hug

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
Virginia Satir

It has taken me many years to simplify the potentially complex subject of wellbeing or wellness. Years of study have taught me some incredible and esoteric things that are infinitely complicated to the curious, western mind.

Study of medicine, energy, meditation, yoga, NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Time-Line Therapy, Hypnotherapy, to name but a few, have given me some varied techniques and perspectives along the way.

However, keeping the sustained feeling of change and positivity is something that had been illusive throughout this journey. How is it possible to get so many breakthroughs intellectually and not translate them into sustained action afterwards?

For the past few months I have been giving out free hugs in London, with a few dedicated friends. On occasions I have woken up and not really felt in the mood to face the unpredictable moods of the general public.

Each free hugs session will provoke just about every sort of emotional response possible. I have seen people get angry, hostile, insulting, rude and dismissive, each time I have gone into London free-hugging. This is part of the reason that it is so magical.

The contrast in perspectives just make the interactions of those who do understand that hugging feels good all the better. Feeling good is the only thing that matters in health and wellbeing. It is not what you do – but how you feel about it that matters.

For many years I have questioned myself as a wellbeing role model.

"Do I have the healthiest diet possible?" No. I am prone to eating and drinking things that would not be considered healthy by purists. Though I enjoy what I eat.

"Do I have the healthiest exercise routine?" No. I sometimes have a lapse in my routine. But I always go back to it.

"Do I have the healthiest lifestyle?" No. I am human and have what many would consider flaws in the way I live. Yet I have stories and memories that make me smile every time I think about them as a result of these quirks in my character.

There will always be people who are better at certain areas of health and wellbeing than I am. There will also be those who sit in judgement of how I live my life. However, ask different questions like,

"Do I know how to feel good, instantly?" Yes – Everytime.

"Do I know how to be kind to myself, even when others are not?" Yes – Everything in life is a test of my congruence to my current path.

"Do I know that hugging random people feels fantastic?" Yes – Because I do it regularly.

As human beings we need to connect, we need to have physical contact and we need to FEEL GOOD. Every time I go out hugging there are always enough people who experience amazing shifts in the way they feel – instantly.

These are the memories I take from each free hugs session that I do. We were even passed by a large group of people who were hugging policemen! It was a most interesting experience – and great fun as they queued up to hug us.

Forget the research, forget the complex systems of wellbeing and alternative therapy and forget the judgements of others. The fast track to health and wellbeing is feeling good and the fastest way to do that is to spend a day giving out free hugs. It will make you smile and change your mood and your life - forever.

Please feel free to join the group at http://bit.ly/1RtZdF and maybe join us the next time to share the feel-good vibe.

Awareness, Forgiveness, Acceptance and Focus - The Keys to Happy Family Relationships

One of the most frequent things that I hear when I talk to people about loving yourself first is "How do I deal with negative family members?"

This is a great question.

There are no absolute answers to this but I will offer my opinion on the subject.

Every relationship that you have with your mother, father, son or daughter is not just a relationship between two people. It is the result of generations of family conditioning, beliefs and habits that have been passed down. We learn and model behaviours of our parents whether we like it or not as children.

An unconscious belief or pattern that you are currently running could have originated hundreds or even thousands of years ago by a long distant relative and you are just playing it out on one person who is close enough to listen to you and believe what you say to them because they trust and love you.

We are born into this world with a desire to connect and our parents are the ones who spend most time connecting with as kids. When one day they start shouting, saying negative things and appear unhappy, we take that on board emotionally and energetically. This was probably what happened to them - as they were conditioned by their parents.

All negative family members are the result of generations of conditioning that they did not have the tools to process. They were not prepared for this. They did not have the realisation to know that these feelings were not personal - just an opportunity to change their conditioning.

Because you will have hard-wired and well rehearsed responses to close family it is important to maintain a distance from anyone who is blaming you on a consistent basis. They do not realise that it is not you but generations of sameness that they are blaming.

Being big enough to grasp this concept and change the conditioning is the ultimate objective for anyone looking to move forward in a way that supports their wellbeing.

This change has 4 phases.
1. Awareness (it is not only my mum/dad/son/daughter who is negative but many years of genetic conditioning being passed along)
2. Forgiveness (everything that has ever happened has brought me to this point in my life where I am ready to be at peace with who I am)
3. Acceptance (I accept who I am and who my family are and will learn and grow from everything)
4. Positive focus (I choose to see, hear and feel only what feels good for me.)

In short - see the bigger picture, forgive the person in question and focus on what you want (or you will get what you don't!)

Forgiveness may not happen overnight, right now. Continued focus on positive outcomes and a desire to unlearn anything that no longer serves you will certainly help though.

Better Quality Questions = Better Quality Life

What would happen to me if I stopped judging other people?

There are many other such questions, though this is a good one to start with.

I still find myself judging others occasionally, though this now happens much less since I made a decision to focus more on my actions and less on the actions of others.

Every time we judge others we are projecting our beliefs on them. We don't know the real reason why others act as they do. Upbringing and life experience moulds different people differently.

By judging others you judge yourself. By accepting that life is unpredictable and relatively short it is possible to spend more time thinking about how to make the most of YOUR life and less time thinking about how other's could make the most of theirs.

Is it possible to go one day without judging anyone or anything?

What will your power question be today?

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Walking at 4am

Did you ever have a day where you were so in your own head that you missed what happened around you?

In a deep state of meditation this is a good thing. In daily life it isn't.

Awareness is a good thing and so is listening occasionally.

When we listen we understand more.

As I walked through my home city of St Albans at 4am earlier I walked through an empty, quiet city. Quiet of human activity but very vocal from the birds. Their singing was all around and grounded me into the moment. As I listened to the birds and walked through the streets I saw a row of 4 green traffic lights. I'm guessing that 4 green lights and a total absence of traffic is not a sight that many drivers would associate with an artery into the centre of the city.

I felt truly blessed to witness a side to St Albans that I never dreamed I'd see. By doing something different I have learned to notice the bids sing and experience the place I live in a different light.

Life is good when you dare to be different and look for the things that make you happy.

What makes you happy?

Ask yourself this and how you could do it more often. I have found this to be a most beneficial question to ponder.

A big smile to all of you :-)

Sknow Magic!

There is something magical about snow.

I remember the days when I used to watch the news and read the papers. As soon as snow hit there were reports of disaster, doom and gloom all over the country. Trains weren't running because it was the wrong type of snow, people were freezing to death and cars were being marooned all over the country.

These days I do not read any papers beyond the sports pages and the news is something that I haven't watched for years. I realised one day that not since the days of John Craven's Newsround (and I'm now showing my age!) had I seen something positive on a news report.

Since our focus affects our lives, why would I want to find out lots of things that aren't working?

Today I went out walking in the snow and a lady in a car pulled out in front of me as I walked down the road. She looked at me and gave me a huge smile. I smiled back and have felt great ever since. It has not been a typical experience for me in St Albans so far.

Since the snow has come I'm sure that all of the same things that always happened are happening. However, my experience is now completely different.

My evenings have now incorporated a walk to our local lake, which has been frozen over for the past week or so. The snow-covered surroundings light up the place enough to see clearly as the moon reflects upon it.

Something that I would have taken for granted, or not even left the house to see, is now causing me an inner peace like never before. Standing on the bridge of our lake and taking in the surroundings at night, in what is usually an empty park, is something special and has led me to many profound insights.

My nephews, Connor and Kian, aged 6 and 7, stayed with me over the weekend. On Friday evening we went for a late night walk and snowball extravaganza by the lake. We ran into a group of people building an igloo – a very impressive feat. What wasn't so impressive was me falling through the wall of the entrance as I attempted to help them cover the roof.

This caused great (and understandable) irritation amongst the builders. It also prompted loud laughter from my nephews. I decided to take the blame and exit the scene as the builders of the now collapsed igloo pointed fingers at each other and the language became more colourful! My nephews giggled all of the way to the lake. It was funny and a classic example of when positive intent meets negative results. Fortunately, Connor and Kian saw the results as very positive indeed and have been laughing about it ever since!

After an hour or so of running around I took them to the bridge to stand and reflect with me.

We chatted for about half an hour and I found my eyes welling up at the profundity of what they had to say. My elder nephew, Connor, realises how lucky he is and how others do not have as much as him. His plan is to contribute his entire savings to sponsoring goats for African families.

I'm not sure that his mum and dad will be as quick to let him spend all of his savings on goats but he really wants to do it. I had no idea about the project that he was on about but now realise that it is running and the advertising must have affected him deeply.

Kian, my younger nephew, started talking about Club Penguin and saving rainforests. I had no idea what the link was until afterwards. It turns out that there is a website called Club Penguin where kids have their own penguin and collect coins for penguin accessories. Every now and again they get a chance to give coins to a worthy cause. Kian told me that he always gives coins to help grow trees. He tells me that this is – "because without trees we will be dead."

Kian also went on to say "When I was young (and he's only 6!) I thought that it was important to win all the time but now I know that it isn't always." I had never heard them share in such a light before. I let them stay out late, talked to them like adults and, suddenly, I'm faced with two philosophers.

Connor then looked up at the stars, "Isn't that nice Uncle Ads, shall we join them together and make shapes?" I hadn't even noticed them until that point.

In those moments I felt grounded, connected and truly grateful to be alive. Magic is the ability to be in the moment and usually involves doing something different to that of the masses.

I went to catch a train at St Albans station last week. It was delayed and severe weather warnings had the staff advising us not to travel. I had an event to run and had to go into London. I ended up having a drink at the station coffee shop. It soon filled up and before I knew it I was joined by three ladies. Chatting to people that I don't know has not been a regular experience for me in St Albans but lately it has.

In adverse situations community spirit is nurtured for many. More people are smiling. More people are talking. And more people are feeling better. Maybe this is just a reflection of what I am feeling at the moment. Whatever it is – it has all been enhanced since the snow started.

How I feel has now become my number one priority in life. If it feels good then I will do it. If not – it's time to do something else. Right now, I am loving St Albans, the snow and everyone who I have met or smiled at me in the past weeks. Even a simple smile has the ability to transform someone's day.

My Christmas Carol Experience

As a kid I used to ponder the logistics of Santa's task. One man and over 6 billion people to deliver to all over the planet. How did he manage to get all around the world in one night? During my following years as a nurse I also used to listen to many people review their lives. Watching "A Christmas Carol" brought on a particularly contemplative mood for me this year and I decided to review my past, present and future around London on my own Christmas Carol.

I was always told that Santa was magic and that anything was possible for him. With so many chimneys, mince pies and various drinks to consume it is no wonder that his Body Mass Index is on the high side. He consumes more calories in one night than most people do in a lifetime.

On Christmas Eve I decided to dress up as Santa again and make a few people smile around London. So, I called a couple of like-minded friends, Nicholas and Hitesh, and off we went with a free hugs sign and a few smiles.

Eighteen years ago I left my job in the city – an experience that saw fun and happiness drain from my life. I worked in a monotonous job in the documentary credits department of a Japanese Merchant bank. We decided to walk through the city at the beginning of our walk. This would be our walk into Christmas past. Our Christmas Carol had begun.

As we handed out our first hugs of the day in the city we were approached by a very stern security guard. He informed us that we had no permission to dress up and would have to leave the premises. We did almost manage to make him smile as we offered him a hug, though he did warn us that he may not respond too nicely if we did.

We smiled and walked on through the streets of the city, with most people ignoring us. However, there were several who managed a smile and a group of tourists who did call us across the road to claim some free hugs. For me it was a reminder of how soul-less I felt in my city-job years.

We then ventured towards Bond Street and a livelier atmosphere. Here we were stopped more frequently as people queued for hugs and photos. This represented our walk of Christmas present. It felt good and we had a lot of fun in the process.

During just a few hours we were stopped and hugged by people from all over the world. People from Scotland, Ireland and Wales stopped, as did those from France, Italy, Greece, Spain, Russia, Lithuania, Poland and Germany. Others stopped from China, Taiwan, Thailand, Iran, Kuwait, Lebanon, Israel Japan, Malaysia, Singapore India and Pakistan. Representatives hugged us from Mexico, USA, Bolivia, Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Peru, The Soloman Islands, Tonga, Australia, New Zealand, Egypt, South Africa, Nigeria and Mauritius.

So, I truly experienced the magic of connecting with people all over the world in one night. As we walked through the streets of London we sang songs, hugged people, witnessed more magic as children hugged us and spread the magic of Christmas to us. We were given free chocolate by a homeless guy, free mince pies from a lady in a restaurant, offered a free ride by a chap on a bike-taxi and given a free gift by one lady.

The feeling of connecting with people from all over the world is my walk of Christmas future. Nothing beats the feeling of smiling, feeling good, singing and making people laugh.

I managed to miss the last train home to St Albans. Normally, this would be a semi-traumatic experience, but not as Santa. Tubes were still running on the Northern line, so I went to High Barnet instead.

On the way I was stopped and asked for more photos and I had a sing-a-long with a group of high-spirited friends returning home. As it turned midnight I found a social gathering of friends in Barnet, who I hadn't seen for a while. I spent the next few hours with good friends, feeling great and was given a place to stay for the night.

On Christmas morning I was picked up by my sister and taken off for a great day with my family. I am feeling very grateful for being alive today.

Carlsberg don't do Christmas, but if they did…..!