The Key to Happiness from my 7 year-old Mentor

Occasionally I have one or both of my nephews around to stay with me at the weekend, they are currently aged 5 and 7. This usually gives me the opportunity to regress a bit and have a lot of fun.

I get to play games and eat unhealthily for a day or two whilst they get the freedom to do pretty much what they like. As they are not ready to own the merits of eating healthily I have adopted their mentality whilst they are staying. Meanwhile, I get to pick their brains for the pearls of wisdom that they occasionally present.

I have a habit of asking them questions that I have yet to find an answer to and indeed probably never will. "What is the key to the universe?" and "What is the secret to life?" are things I have pondered for many hours.

Over the years I have asked them such questions and have been given answers that both astound and amuse. "Doing good farts," was an old favourite of them both in response to the above questions, for a good while.

Whilst sitting down for lunch last weekend I asked "What is the secret to everlasting happiness?" My eldest nephew, Connor, looked up and said "Look after yourself."

His tone was questioning, yet his response struck a chord with me. I knew that looking after myself was a good idea but I do not always do it. I do meditate. exercise and walk a lot "but I could do more," is a well rehearsed line that soon followed.

The tyranny of the word "but" suddenly came into play. In one second I had dismissed all of the good work that I do. But dismisses all of the content that has gone before it. It is dismissive, finite and pointless in a context like this.

I know that as far as health is concerned that I am in the higher reaches of the population in looking after myself. Using the word and, instead of but, is a much more productive linguistic structure after acknowledging something positive.

It is certain that I could do more to be healthier and look after myself better but (and this is a good context to use it) when I compare myself now to where I was last year I walk more, drink more water, eat healthier and exercise more. It is about momentum and mine has been in the right direction.

Most of my changes have been slight and manageable, without causing major or immediate shifts. However (a word that is virtually the same as but!) over time major shifts occur.

So, the lesson from Connor has deeper reaches. Looking after myself is not just about taking action to feel better it's about giving myself proper credit for the changes that I have made.

Part of this process is allowing myself to venture into less healthy practices occasionally, like eating occasional junk foods with my nephews. It is important for me to realize the lessons that I learnt whilst nursing. Namely, that how I speak to myself will have much more impact on my health than what I do to myself.

Only by becoming my own best friend will I ever be a truly healthy individual. The key to happiness is indeed looking after myself, by giving myself more credit for what I have done and being less harsh for what I haven't. It also helps to play a lot, laugh a lot and let loose

Pain Can Be The Path To Pleasure

Last year I had been sailing along, ignoring my feelings and signs that my body had been giving me. I was so focussed on my work project that I had neglected almost everything and everyone else in my life.

I went on to experience an episode of acute angina (or a very sharp, stabbing pain radiating out from my heart - the symptoms of this episode were unmistakable). Then, in two very painful hours I ended my relationship with my girlfriend and watched my business venture collapse, along with my finances. My life as I knew it was swept from under me.

This led to a very dark and desolate place where only emptiness existed. I can honestly say that from this place I felt no emotion. After 3 days of meditating in this emptiness I came to many significant breakthroughs in my thinking. I was able to communicate to my family from a place of humility and understanding. I was also able to see how I had created everything that had brought me to that place. This realisation allowed me to take back my power and decide to focus on positive outcomes.

Through my time as a nurse I know that there are more people motivated by pain than by pleasure. If there is not enough pleasure in my life then it was because I hadn't experienced enough pain. Speak to an average 90 year old and they will explain what suffering really is. I had my health, I had freedom of choice and I had an opportunity to turn my life around.

Now, I feel empowered to not only make the positive changes in my own life but to inspire others to do the same. Having known the emptiness of disempowerment I now embrace the alternative and live life as a game.

It is my belief that if you do not have enough pleasure in your life then you have not had enough pain. By visualising how you see your life in 10 years time you may well be able to save yourself years of suffering. Alternatively, you may already be on the path to happiness - this can only be a good thing.